~~ Bloody Hell ~~

Here's how it might end....!!

She's too far,
doesn't feel anything like that,
Nothing reaches across,
nothing touches her heart.

none of what I say matters,
she has her mind set
everything is trivial,
wouldn't have mattered to her even if we had never met

I know am not worth it,
that am not the one,
It is friendship,
just friendship and nothing else.

It's so dumb of me,
to have taken it on the other bend.
It had to come to halt,
it had to an end.

Should have got it earlier,
should have understood her feelings
but what the hell,
am only a bloody human.

I dared to ask for too much,
too much for my stature
I dared to dream of having her by my side,
which had brought me on this juncture

now that I know whats real and whats not,
still i cant forget her.
she might have not felt anything,
but I have gone through the whole whirlpool.

those whistling winds,
are now gusts of air,
all that has happened to me,
is just not fair

Let me take the break,
let me move on,
God help me please,
Cos somehow I too have to live on..

~'~Quiet as Morgue~'~

Dreams are all I have,
buried deep in my heart,
shrouded under the practicality of life,
still the ember glows bright

am in my own world,
she's living her life,
why does it still hurt,
why is that wound still rife

blatant yelling of my heart,
keeps calling her name,
reminding me of the chances,
recalling the times when I shouldn’t have been lame

I was quiet,
quiet as morgue,
didnt really knew,
that i was making a big mistake

She was the one,
personification of all my wishes & desires,
glittering with the innocence of a kid,
those beautiful green eyes…

that openess, that frankness,
that noncommittal nature,
she was a free spirit,
dancing,gyrating to the tunes played by HIM

a million dollar smile,
that glowing face,
as if there was an aura,
and an astonishing grace

that blabber of hers,
which was all important for me,
that chuckle on her face,
which would kill all tensions and set me free

Wish I would have uttered those words,
words of faith and love,
but now time is past me,
and I hate myself for calling it a crush..

Cant speak it out loud, say it meekly!

It's not the person who chooses the thoughts that come to his mind indeed it's the thought which chooses a particular person to manifest itself. Remember people say, I lost control over my thoughts. Actually you never control them.

So here's just another thought that happened to tread through my mind on its nomadic odyssey...

Sometimes you just can't say what you are thinking, what you feel and believe in. You would be talking to the other person, someone whom you wouldn't want to tell lie, or rather you just cannot tell a lie at all. But bloddy hell, I got a say it somehow.

So do one thing, say it but with a smile which would make her feel as if you are joking or lying. But you know you ain't lying. So you purged off that thought now but the other person just doesn't take it as real. You poured out your heart and she takes it as a joke (and doesn't get hurt)

When you can't speak it out loud, say it meekly with a credible smile!!

~~Crushed~~

May be its just another crush,
May be just another rush
May be a gush of feelings,
Making me as fragile as seedlings

She came and went across,
painted in the white robe of innocence like a dove
Looking into her eyes I learnt,
Sometimes u have to force yourself to look elsewhere lest u'll fall in love....

ma God, I wasnt good enough,
to fight that beautiful demigoddess
those cherubic green eyes,
I just kept flowing into the depth of the abyss.

She did came late,
I just kept gazing at the road’s bend
If I can have a glimpse of her angelic face,
Then am ready to wait for this world to end

All anguish, all pain,
All agony lies in vain,
None of them can break me,
Cos her voice purges off all the strain.

Love is all I need,
And love is what she can't bless me with.
Cos I am with her,
But she has already taken a tread

Never had the grit to ask for,
The moments of her life that I wanted to partake.
Never had the force to break,
The pervasive barrier of faith.

I am not content with what I have,
Want her to be more than my friend
But just can't speak that out
Cos I fear the loss of relation that's so grand..

Will stay by her side,
Whatever comes and goes,
As friend, as a dear one,
Will fight all of her foes.....!!

stay happy my dear friend :) :) :)

Dasvidaniya - Open your eyes..!!

Yep...after Jun 2008, right into Nov 2008..Am a very active blogger.. :)

I have many bad habits but some of them actually yield a lot value. My habit of watching film alone in the night and sometime just being the character and bearing the same pain, makes me go thorough the experiences/scenarios which I might not actually get into or not even see.

Dasvidaniya(Goodbye in Russian), another film added to the long list of my favorites. The story of a true common man, a man who doesn't think big , who prefers to think about everyday necessities than to think about his dreams; this movie draws a true visage of the life of this guy, Amar. Fighting with the everyday issues ranging from an "always-dominating" boss to small issues like forgetting to bring cell for his mother's hearing aid, Amar forgets all his dreams. He makes sure that he prepares a list of everything he needs to do on a day but meanwhile his own wishes, his own dreams take a back seat.

A sudden bolt and his life changes. He comes to know that he might not live long. An obviously shocked and dismayed Amar is about to loose it when his conscience take him a level above the common man.Out of bolt, he is able to see what all he wanted to do, what all he haswished in his life.He starts getting selfish, in a better sense, and starts thinking about himself, his needs, his
thoughts , his beliefs, his friends. And then he draws his final list, the list of everything he wants to do before he dies.

Fulfilling each of his wish, the sense of satisfaction elates him to a level where is stops caring that about the fact that he is going to die. The only motivation he has is his own conscience. That drives him to do things which he probably would have never done otherwise.

Yes he dies, but he dies fulfilled.

What I got from it:
Not long ago, I liked to refer to myself as a fighter, fighting the oddities of life. Now, I see the worthlessness of this word. There is no need to fight with anything. One needs to recoganize and understand his own dreams and wishes and work to realize them. I wish to call myself an enjoyer or a dreamer now. I hope I get to the patio of that house where I have these frames waiting for me.

Don't know if this sense of change will last with me even tomorrow morning but for sure this post will remind me that I have to change.

Thanks to Dasvidaniya.....

For novel lovers, read "Vernoica decides to die" by Paulo Cohelo, its on the similar lines but with a more quixotic end.

!!! This Beautiful Maiden !!!

I met this beautiful maiden..she seemed a little confused...
I helped her at the station..she left me totally bemused..

then thoughts started plaguing me again..
thinking abt how it all began..

we were in the same batch,
but it seemed there was some rough patch..

i tried to break the ice..
but it seemed as if it was a steep precipice

..n then HE broke in..
& blessed me with the chance..

there we were at the same stop..seemed like it was all green now;
where had been a drought..

even more beatific it was..
she took the bus in which i was..

i knew it was my chance to sieze the fortune..
i took the seat adjoining to subject formality to prune..

i initiated the talk..
n she didnt balk..

we chated along for quite long, am sure..
i realised she's extremly pure..

then came the time for the tryst to end..
but something stopped me from taking the bend..

i cldnt detest..
it had been nice n i agreed to make else rest..

waited for her to announce her fate..
saw the workers lifting pepsi crates...

she sent me a message when she reached home..
n i slept a sleepless sleep dreaming abt the TAJ Mahal dome..