Rehem

choot gayi hain kuch piche woh battein,
jo dil ke karib thin, jinse zindagi ka kuch mayana tha,
ab bas dhakel rahe hai in palon ko,
is aas mein ke rab ko bhi kabhi to rehem aayega.

Ehsaan

ab har saans hai ek ehsaan is zindagi ka,
chukka na payenge asal bhi is karz ka,
jeena naam ban gaya dam lene ki adat ka,
ab aajaye maut to bhi humein kahan gam hoga.

Ek justuju!

zindagi ko yun door se dekhte hue,
ho gaya hai ek arsa is justuju ko seene mein rakhe,
kuch der hi sahi par hum bhi jee lein thoda,
teri kuch muskuratein humein bhi to milein

My Confession!!

Looking outside the window of the car, a drop of tear rolled down my cheek.

It has happened. But is this what I wanted?

Are you really that selfish? Can you really do this to someone you love?

Leave aside happiness; am I even ok with this?

Am I responsible for all the displeasure and detest that she holds in her mind?

Questions galore kept lurking around my head. The more I focused on finding an answer, the tougher questions arose and nothing but a delusional numbness took over me. Situations were changing; people came close, said something and went away. I replied to them but couldn't respond to my own questions. I smiled outwardly but inside not a speck of happiness was there.

A few hours back, with all the celebrations and traditions, I had exchanged vows with god as a representative of her. Those four vows (Laavs) were expected not only to tie us together in a mutual everlasting relationship but also to put us on a spiritual path leading towards unison with Him.

Trudging through those circles of life long togetherness, I heard those vows being recited in Gurudwara Sahib in front of Guru Granth Sahib. I could understand what they meant and how I was probably heading the opposite way.

The first laav urged us to commit the path of righteousness and to renounce sinful actions. My mind asked - Are you not committing a sin right now? I say probably yes, but the love lorn heart pushed back the answer. I started looking down upon myself, hating the situation I have put her in.

I tramped through the rest of the circles and she walked beside me, connected by the pink stole of promises but disconnected at her heart. She dived deeper into dark depression and almost fainted, with a deep fear for what future will bring to her.

I am returning back home, with a load of relatives giggling, smiling, happy for us. But none of it mattered to me. I look at the stars, smile back at them hoping they could reflect some of it onto her.  A slight shimmer on her face, a light of hope in her eyes, a small stretch of smile on her lips – please show me something. But nothing came by.

She didn’t want to marry me for reasons which I don’t question. It is her life and she should get to choose her actions which decide her future. Sadly she couldn’t and I failed her in not standing by her side. I loved her then and I think I still do. If she could understand my position back then, may be overlook, forgive and look ahead, we can probably bring back the girl she was and the guy I was.

Guru Granth Sahib says "They are not said to be husband and wife who merely sit together. Rather they alone are called husband and wife, who have one soul in two bodies". Will it ever be true for us? Only time can tell! Wishful thinking and hope can make things work but they can also be tragically disheartening and crippling!

It’s four month down now and I am still waiting for her.

Whatever..!!

Crush the fake sweetness of the world,
reveal real faces behind the masks,
oh let me see,
that being from within you flee

your visits are so perfunctory,
you come and go, but do I feel your presence
move on dear, to the world you wish,
leave me behind with some of your essence

waiting for you to say something,
is like watching a saw searing through the flesh
your words do bring me happiness
but how so little is it and rest you welch

Just a thought

As I see it, the biggest loss that society has borne due to an extreme focus on modernity and logical evaluations is the loss of innocence and trust on others! Society is marred by smart people who project different faces based on situation or audience. Rarely would you meet someone who totally reflects his or her inner self in all conditions. Even rare are the people who can take that a leap of faith, loss control and trust the other to take care of them. With a heightened focus on wellness of individuals, wellness of all as one gets deprioritized.  The happiness of sacrificing one's comforts and priorities for others is not prized anymore. 

Prime importance is of just one thing what am I comfortable with!

Without the happiness tint

She smiles and laughs so much 

But without that glint

Looks extremely jovial 

But without the happiness tint

Broke from within

But so rich outside

She cries under the covers

Waiting for the tempest to subside

She can't see anything ahead

Is unable to do anything

But as the time passes

Even his feelings are moving towards nothing 

Will there ever be any moment of togetherness

Is something only time will tell

Up until then,

In the valley of sadness they'll dwell

Love - Practical or Emotional

Off late I am regularly coming across articles which lay a strong stress on presence of practical and logical reasons and means along side the emotional feeling for your partner. Such is the importance of these means, that absence or scarcity of these can tear down the relationship to pieces.

One of the prime basis of the theory is that love like hatred is a very strong emotion which can make people do things which they otherwise wouldn't even be able to think of. Such acts of "heroism" can lead to a momentary feeling of achievement or success, giving a boost to the feeling of togetherness but unless there are situations or actions of partners which feed into the fire of love continuously over time, it is bound to gradually die down or at least lower in intensity. The emotional concept of undying, unending love is often termed impractical, farce, tip of the iceberg, transitional feeling etc. Some even go the extreme end to say that love is overrated. Movies and fiction novels have created this beautiful picture of love and placed it on such high pedestal that love itself is now prying for a cover and cupid has closed eyes for people have started revering him like a God. But how much of is love worth remains debatable.

An articles focusing on comparison between love and hate, mentioned that it is scientifically proven that large parts of cerebral cortex - associated with judgement and reasoning - become de-activated during love. [1] Probably that's why the scale and scope of problems look smaller, all issues look like minor concerns and concerns are simply ignored. But when you are over the hump and reach the stagnant phase of a relationship, all of the things which were hitherto ignored become important to one's existence, some even link these to their individuality or freedom. Worse is the case, when adversities come and partners either don't do anything to replenish the feeling of love. Situations start over-powering the relationship, issues become unbeatable and everything looks gloomy.

There are two paths ahead; either the partners start putting more focus on the relationship and create means and methods to make each other feel loved or the two simply fall apart.

Reference

[1] http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/scientists-prove-it-really-is-a-thin-line-between-love-and-hate-976901.html

Autumn

As the autumn arrives,
Hue of the foliage changes
Each leaf starts to tremble,
against the war that wind wages

Immersed in this transition,
admire they do,
but seldom would people agree,
that beauty lies in the weakness too.

The leaves separate from their bonds,
and stem goes bare,
they now free from the grip,
float in the fresh air.

Expendables!

You are born to a mother! You can't choose your father or your siblings, but friends you can. A lot of people come in your life, some slide by and some stick around. You pick some and give them an exclusive space in your life. These are your favorite few who become your friends and mostly, just one of them tends to get that special spot of becoming your spouse!

My question for the day is who is expendable and why?

Let's tackle the who first! There are two line of thoughts around this. I wouldn't prefer one to another.

First, let me talk about the people whom I call "darwinist". Don't get me wrong, I am not going to peg anyone as evolved or un-evolved - pun intended. These are the people who believe in natural selection. Since, nature gave them parents and siblings, these folks are placed in the category of "not expendables". However, friends including girlfriends and/or boyfriends and spouse are certainly expendables. Since you picked them, you get the right to cut them off as well.

And then there are people who I refer to as "communists". These folks ,with revolutionary thought process, treat everyone alike. Their life and time is a common pool of resources and everyone has the right to it. However, they have a live perfectly operational "judicial" system where they can put anyone on trial and anyone can be held guilty and made expendable.

Now the second part, why does anyone become expendable. Everyone has a minimum level of expectations from every relationship. These expectations may vary from person to person but they most certainly exist. A person who proclaims he doesn't expect anything is either unaware or simply lying or my friend, you just met "Lord Buddha" himself! The person who falls below these expectation level becomes expendable. You may give them chance to get upto speed and if they don't, it wouldn't be long before the lock of door would be changed.

With a lot of pity for those expended!

Here's signing off
Charan!
(Any suggestions ?? - Please drop a comment)

The tasteless truth!

Entertainment is not just that entirely, it does leave behind trickles of wisdom. It's right there, absolutely apparent. You just need to tune in.

So, today while watching "How I met your mother", a dialogue from Robin Scherbatsky pushed me into thinking and also, writing this down for future reference - for I forget a lot. The dialogue was "Honesty is tough but actually a far kinder alternative". It's better to say those few tough words now and sort things out for future rather than to procrastinate things for the heck of it.

There's another common adage for which I have lost the approval. They say - "Truth is always bitter.". Why we assign a "flavor" to truth is beyond my understanding. Its like generalizing that "all men are dogs" - though I do agree that quite a few of them are actually just that. Not all men are dogs and also, not all truth is bitter. When you kneel down in front of THE girl and ask her for an eternal togetherness, everything you say is truth. Ask the guy or the girl the taste of that truth. Now let's look at the exact opposite. when a guy or a girl bails out of a relationship, who likes to hear the reasons for rejection? It would taste bitter at that moment. But as the time passes by, whether those people stay apart or together, that truth would certainly feel better.

Truth is indeed just truth. So, essentially, be honest say the truth, let the truth simmer in the warmth of time, the outcome would be sweeter.